What's up? Wow so much has happened and I really don't know where to start. I mean, lets see, I was going out with Josh, now I am not, I told him the truth, I see him more as a friend, we have like tons and tons in common, I mean he actually gets me and that is like the best, but I don't know, I just didn't feel it like I was suposed to, I didn't want to drag on a relationship that was only one sided. That is unfaithful, rude, and just plain stupid and hurtful. So I told him all this, in a way, and I broke it off. I told him that I still want to be friends and asked him if he wanted to hang out this weekend if we are both free and stuff. I don't know right now if that is exactly the best idea but oh well, I want to.
Saturday, wow that was like a good day, gone shitty! I mean lets see I didn't get that much sleep because of reasons, and because some snoors, lol, it was cute though. Then I got on the computer, and was on it just talking to a few of my friends and a few of Josh's friends. Then I got tired and so did he, so we both took a nap, only he had to get up and get ready because our friend Nancy was going to pick us up at 6pm, even though he started to get ready at like 3pm. So I just stayed in bed and didn't start to get ready until like 20 till 6pm. lol. I know I am a lazy shit bum...lol. Then when I was walking out of Josh's house, his dad gave me a nasty look like I would care or get frightened but I didn't I just stared at him until I went out the door, damn homophobic bitch. Then Josh, Nancy, and me all went over to Carrie's house to pick her up, then we had to go over to Nancy's girlfriend's house because I guess she wanted her mom to meet Nancy. After that Josh, Nancy, Carrie, and me all went over to the I think the Fun Center, in Kelso, to meet their friends. So we found them and then we headed off to Portland to go to the club, when we got there we parked and we all stood out front of the club and Jiv, I believe that is how you spell her name, parked right in front of the club so all of us and a few strangers were jammin' in front of the club before it opened lol. We got there like 30 minutes or so before the club even opened so it was cool. I got to meet their friends, it was Jason, Jiv, and Roman, god those are some hot kids! Jiv looks, SERIOUSLY, just like Fifi Dobson, the singer.I thought it was awesome! Roman and Jason are to hot kids as well, only Jason, towards the middle of the night started to feel really sick to his stomache, so I kind of cuddle next to him and rubbed his stomach hoping he would feel better. Then Josh saw and got HELLA mad at me because he thought I was flirting. I was like no I was actually trying to make him feel better. That episode just caused to much drama to care, so therefor I am moving on. So after that A few people were trying to make me feel better and get me to dance. The only person you really did that was Meallisa, she is really the only reason I felt better that night. Thanks girl. We were shackin' it like a tail feather!!! LOL! But yeah, then everybody started to leave exsepcially all my friends so therefor I didn't want to stay anymore, and Nancy, Josh, and Carrie were ready to go as well. So we left to go and take me home, and Nancy didn't really know where to go and I thought I did but I guess I didn't and we took the wrong exit, but LUCKILY, Carrie was there and knew what to do...What a smart lady! So yeah, when we got to Krista's, I said goodbye to Josh, it was kind of fast and stuff because really, I was tired and was kind of annoyed by how things went that night, so all I wanted to do was leave. So then I said goodbye to Carrie, and Nancy, and I got my stuff out of the trunk and I went inside, freakin' I barely ate Friday and Saturday, so when I got home, psshh....I MADE SOME EASY MAC AND HOT COCO! Hell yes bitchs! Then I fell asleep.
When I woke up no one was home, so I just got on the computer and talked to a few people, I was kind of down because I didn't know what to feel about Saturday and how it went and how I felt in the relationship I was in. Then finally Josh got on and we talked, I broke up with him because of reasons, and I am not sure he believes me for the reasons I did them but I don't care because the reason I said were true. Then after I got that off my chest I kind of felt better but still shitty at the same time. I have kind of been feeling the same way today as well. I hope this feeling doesn't last long, it's kind of like the feeling of why do I live, what do I do, how do I feel, whats the point in this, what's the point in that? I just really don't know what to think about things. I am trying to figure things out but it is hard, I wish I had some there who knows what I mean, knows what I am trying to find out, and knows what to do. I need someone, but also at the same time I want to be alone solve it on my own, and don't really want everyone to know. I really don't know anymore. I just don't.
Today I missed school, kind of because I need sleep, kind of because I am really depressed right now, but mostly because I didn't want to deal with people at school, like seriously there was not one preson I could think of that I really wanted to see. So I just stayed home, my mom kind of yelled at me and told me I HAD TO GO TO SCHOOL TOMORROW! But I didn't care. so all day until now I have just been in my room, I watched to movies, slept, listened to music, watched t.v. and just layed back I think I might go and take a long relaxing shower, or atleast try to take a relaxing shower, I doubt it will though. So, right now, I am just sitting here, I am talking to Josh, kind of, and listen to my mom and my STUPID step-dad talk about STUPID shit that NO ONE CARES ABOUT! I am not going to start an arguement with them because of the lack of willing to care about them and what we would be argueing about, so whatever....
Well lets see, I know that maybe 2 people out of everybody I know will read this, and maybe 1 will actually post a comment but I doubt it. So yeah...I guess I will go now and finish talking to Josh and my friend in Texas and maybe do a few other things, so I guess I will go. Talk to you guys later.
Love the one who is always lost,